Dont Worry, Julia Roberts! This Red Carpet Escorts Tell-All Reveals Only The Most Boring Scandals

January 31st, 2013 | 6:20 pm

Celebrity Escort Writes Tell-All

Listen up, everybody. If you write a tell-all in this day and age, you had better bring it. Heck, Kris Jenner wrote a tell-all about herself in which she exposes her own infidelities. If you arent exposing someones love child or some Mommy Dearest-level insanity in your scandalous memoir, we are not even going to check it out from the library. Its these high standards that made us so bummed to read about the secrets revealed in Christopher Gaidas new book Arm Candy: A Celebrity Escorts Tales From The Red Carpet. Despite having escorted celebs to red-carpet events (entirely platonically, as we were saddened to find out) for fourteen years, some of Giadas non-revelations include:

Helping calm down Megan Fox at the 2007 Teen Choice Awards when she allegedly freaked out backstage.
Walking three feet in front of Sharon Stone and not looking back per her request at the! 1999 Vh1 Vogue Fashion Awards.
Perhaps most dauntingly of all, remaining calm while Julia Roberts yelled at him at the 2000 GQ Men of the Year Awards. When he meet Julia again ten years later, she apologized.

Thesethats the onlywhereif you are at an awards show and there is alcohol, how is there nowe cannot even deal with the disappointing level of divaishness in these anecdotes! The man attended events with Stone, Fox, Roberts, Angelina Jolie, Cameron Diaz, and Jessica Alba and not one of those ladies put a cigarette out on his forehead or did meth out of her makeup case? Julia Roberts even apologized, for petes sake! Were 100% positive that someone did something particularly rascally and Gaida just didnt want to blow up their spot, but thats just not going to cut it nowadays. We need the dirt or dont bother cutting down the trees! Its just a waste of paper!

[Photo: Getty Images]

Tags: Christopher Gaida, Tell-Alls, Julia Roberts, Megan Fox, Sharon Stone